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In this month’s Smart Women Talk interview, our own Katana Abbott talks with Barbara Stanny, renowned author and creator of the Secrets of Successful High Earners program. The interview is approximately 25 minutes long and you can choose to either download it to listen to later, or listen right now from your computer by clicking the ‘play’ button.
by Ruth Klein, Smart Women’s Café Contributing Expert
I recently saw a T-shirt with the words, Become the Change You Want. I find myself going back to those words over and over again. The words are taken from those spoken by the world’s role model for change, Mahatma Ghandi, who led the successful change to independence for India. He advised his followers to become the change you want to see in the world. Those words ring just as true today.
One of the most stressful situations we create for ourselves at home and at work is that we want changes from others and become frustrated when those changes don’t take place. We want our bosses, our children, our spouses and our friends to change. We want our looks to change, our health to change.
What if we become the ones to change first? Here are a few new ways to become our own agents of change to transform, empower and enlighten your path to a less stressful lifestyle.
Become the Change You Want with Your Spouse:
Become the Change You Want with Your Child:
Become the Change You Want at Work:
Become the Change You Want with a Parent:
Become the Change You Want with Your Health:
by Sherry G. Day, MS, Smart Women’s Café Contributing Expert
As the holiday season approaches, there are numerous decisions made relevant to the relationships in our lives. It is interesting to analyze our decisions regarding whom to invite to holiday celebrations, whether or not to give gifts and if so, how much to spend on a particular person, and to whom should greeting cards be sent.
One of the most puzzling situations in which I find myself has to do with
sending holiday cards to people I have not seen or even spoken to for years.
High school and college friends are mere fragments of memory now. From year
to year, I find myself questioning why we bother to maintain these long-term, but distant relationships. After all, I probably would not recognize these once close friends if they were standing at my door. I have not seen most of them since we left school.
Yet, I feel as if we are still connected because throughout the years we
have exchanged family and career updates at holiday time. I know of their
children and their doings from annual updates and photos, via holiday cards.
I will probably never meet these children, though. But I have felt their
parents’ love and pride.
Our letters and notes express an invitation to stop and visit when we are in one another’s neighborhood or are passing by on the nearest highway. And we merely pass by without bothering to call ahead, commenting as we pass, My old school chum lives near here somewhere! I should stop and visit sometime. Many of us are scattered across the country and around the world.
We express a desire to get together sometime, knowing it will probably never happen. Knowing we probably won’t make the effort to make it happen! Knowing we are always rushing to get to our destination without this detour to stop.
Still, year after year, we go through this ritual! Why? Why can t I just stop sending the cards, notes and photos? Why am I disappointed when all I get back is a card without a note? Why am I even more disappointed when the only signature is preprinted names? Personalized cards, they call them!
I call them impersonal! The sender doesn t even have to spend the time or energy to hand sign the card. There was a time when I would not even suggest printed computer labels, but as my list grows I do feel a slight change of attitude coming on.
I do believe in technology and efficient use of time, but I also believe in the personal touch. To me, sending a card with a personal note is a gift of taking time to think about the receiver and show interest in him or her. When I open an impersonal, preprinted and possibly computer labeled card, I ask myself, Does the sender desire to sever this long-term relationship but does not want to be the first one to stop? I sense there may be a lack of desire to stay connected even once a year.
It is a dilemma! I do not want to be the one to end the relationship
either. By why not? What is the value of maintaining it? What is the benefit?
What is the WIIFM – what s in it for me? Maybe it meets a need for me. A need to share with those who knew me way back then. To let them know I am doing okay. I have survived the ups and downs of the years and am still taking on the challenges presented to me each day. Perhaps it allows me to share with pride my family. After all, way back then this family was a mere dream we all shared in our youthful innocence.
Maybe we hang on so as not to let go of our youth! Could it be that letting of long-term, though distant, relationships is a closing of the door to the past? We may need to keep such relationships to remind us of beginnings to allow us to measure our progress. After all, we set the criteria for judging these accomplishments.
This is an issue I ponder every November as I print out the holiday card list. Every year there are a few new relationships to add to the list. Adding is much easier than deleting. But then, I think, the list is getting too long. Someone has to go! But whom? And why? And why not? It is time to count the names again. And buy the cards and stamps. I wonder how many I will need this year?
______________________________________________________________
About the author: Sherry G. Day is the President and Chief Learning Officer
of Executive Resources-Human Potential Consultants, L.C., an award-winning
coaching and training company focused on leadership and personal
empowerment. Sherry is a member of Smart Women’s Coaching Advisory Board and is a
Contributing Expert and Coach.
C 2007. Sherry G. Day, MS. This article may be reproduced for non-
commercial use, provided it is reproduced in its entirety, you retain the
author’s byline, and include a link to http://www.ExecutiveResourcesHPC.com
Dear Family and Friends;
I hope your holidays were wonderful. Christmas here in Africa was simply grand this year. My daughter, Elizabeth, arrived at the Jo-burg airport on Christmas morning. Having her walk through the customs gate into my welcoming arms was the finest gift imaginable. Her good husband, Andrew, couldn’t come with her due to some last minute complications and we really missed him but we had a mother/daughter holiday that I will always treasure.
Now, I sure don’t want these letters to turn into travelogs but Liz and I experienced a few things that I hope you might find interesting. One was our guided tour of Soweto. Frankly, it’s a place that wasn’t high on my “must see” list. I had visions of a horribly dangerous, unattractive slum. Elizabeth, however, had spent a great deal of her time as a student at UC Berkeley protesting against apartheid and for the freeing of Mandela so I thought she might enjoy seeing where the whole thing started. I’d heard about this guy, Jabu, who was born and raised in Soweto and now has a little tour company. I’d had several phone conversations with him beforehand and arranged for a private tour of his stomping grounds on December 26th. He picked us up at the guesthouse we were staying in and I was delighted to see he was a giant of a man - a Zulu weighing in at around 300 pounds. He told us it was all muscle (it wasn’t) (-: He had been born in the poorest area of the huge township of Soweto and had made his way comfortably into the middle class.
That was one of the surprises of this place. There are areas of Soweto where the houses are valued in the millions of rand. There are other areas called unofficial settlements where the shacks are made of tin, sticks, plastic and anything else the residents can scrounge up. Over 3.5 million call Soweto home. What surprised us the most was the sense of pride and hope about the place. The residents are proud of the part they played in attaining freedom for their people and have a hopeful confidence that the new government will do it’s job in providing both economic stability and educational opportunities. At one point Jabu let us out of the car in a very poor area. He turned us over to a “local” guide assuring us we would be perfectly safe as we walked into the bowels of this destitute area. I say destitute because of the lack of any plumbing, electricity and the shanty construction. Toilets were porta-potties each one shared by at least 90 families. But all along the way were perfectly tended little gardens. We saw signs that said, “Make someone smile today.” Children greeted us politely and with big smiles. We went into one corrugated-iron shack and met the family. The man was obviously suffering from TB maybe AIDS, the floor was dirt, and they had literally nothing. Our guide invited us to ask questions and they told us of their plight but expressed hope for the future. We gave them a small gift of money and left.
Jabu lived through and fully participated those terrible years beginning with the riots of 1976 and he gave us a riveting historical tour. We went into a church riddled with bullet holes where residents had tried to flee from the armed and shooting police. We saw the homes of Nelson Mandela (modest), Desmond Tutu (elegant) and the notorious Winnie Mandela (a Palace). The current government has made lots of promises to those living in the worst slums and has built a huge area of modest little subsidized three-room homes that can be purchased for about 16,000 rand ($2,500). There is an impossibly long waiting list that has many politicians very nervous.
We left the place with a great sense of hope for the people of South Africa.
They have the most democratic constitution of the face of the earth. They went through a transition from Apartheid to Democracy that is termed by most of the South Africans I talk to as “miraculous”. There was certainly bloodshed but there was not the civil war so many feared. One of the most impressive traits of the black South African is their capacity for forgiveness. The feeling I’ve gotten since being here is that they just want to move on. They are well on their way.
Of course, we spent a couple of days in my village. Elizabeth met everyone. I’d let it be known that I was not having a party but I’d asked many of those I work closest with to stop by and meet Liz. One young man who is involved in our cultural dance group asked if I’d like him to stop by with a few male dancers to show Liz some of the cultural dances. I said, “fine” expecting four or five of them to come by. We were making sandwiches for our expected guests when we heard deep rhythmic chanting. Matjeeka poked her head into my hut and said, “Your dancers are coming.” About forty men and boys, all brandishing sticks topped with shredded plastic danced into the yard in tight formation. They entertained us all afternoon and, of course, many villagers joined the ad hoc party. Liz and I kept excusing ourselves to make more sandwiches. Fortunately, we had two watermelons and many cases of sodas. Everyone got a little something.
Two of my favorite Sangomas showed up and performed the trance-inducing dance they use for their healings. One of them, Majone, took us to her house to show Elizabeth her “clinic” with its wall of snuff cans filled with herbs.
Really, every minute of Elizabeth’s visit was fun. We visited a game park that raises the rare white lions. They raise them to be completely comfortable with people. We walked into the lounge of this beautiful African lodge and saw a playpen in the corner. I thought someone had brought their baby but when we looked inside there were two darling little snowy white lion cubs. The owners said we could play with them! And play with them we did. Playing with those lion cubs while listening to the roar of their full-grown relatives in the distance was a thrill. There was also a little “house” meerkat that would not get out of Liz’s lap. We went on a couple of game drives and got up close to many beautiful African animals.
It made me so happy to have Elizabeth see and experience why I love South Africa and Lesotho so much. These are wonderful people I live with - kind, hospitable and generous. Don’t get me wrong; I’m counting the months till I return to the US (seven!) but I will certainly leave a bit of my heart here in the Mountain Kingdom.
Wishing you all a happy, healthy and prosperous 2006,
Khotso, Pula, Nala (Peace, Rain, Prosperity),
Love, Peggi
By Laura Eliason, CLTC, Genworth Long Term Care / Smart Women’s Café Contributing Expert
The week of November 5-11 has been declared Long Term Care Awareness Week by the American Association of Long Term Care Insurance. On a related note, November is National Family Caregivers Month. But once care giving services are needed, it is probably too late to purchase long term care insurance. This insurance is one of the most important ways to plan for possible future care.
Many Americans may need long term care at some point in their lives. Since Medicare and health insurance cover very little long term care, and since many Americans do not yet own long term care insurance, the burden of care giving often falls upon unpaid family caregivers. Although all long term care needs, by definition, last more than 90 days, many people need help for much longer, sometimes for years. This can be a significant physical, financial and emotional burden for family caregivers.
In an effort to encourage Americans to prepare for their future long-term care needs, Long Term Care Awareness Week reminds all of the importance of this planning. While most people don’t like to think of this aspect of retirement planning, it is just as important as drafting a will or saving for retirement.
Consider these facts:
Long Term Care Awareness Week sends us all this message: Don’t let another year pass without taking a hard look at how you will pay for your own long term care.
Laura Eliason is a licensed long term care insurance agent with an office in Novi, Michigan 248-921-4957
LauraEliason@Genworthltc.com
www.LauraEliasonLTCi.com
By Elaine M. Simpson, Founder/Owner of Senior Options and Services, LLC / Smart Women’s Café Contributing Expert
As a long distance caregiver, you will need to possess and understand critical information involving your parent’s personal, medical, financial, and legal records. Collecting this information is difficult and time consuming. If you have ever tried to gather and organize your own personal information, you know what a chore it can be. Gathering and organizing this information from far away can seem even more challenging. Maintaining up-to-date information about your parent’s health and medical care, as well as finances, home ownership, and other legal issues, lets you get a handle on what is going on and allows you to respond quickly if there is a crisis.
Once you have gathered all the information, keep track of all the important documents and correspondence in a binder. Use dividers to separate medical, financial and legal documents and information. Getting organized is key. Find all legal and financial documents, including birth certificates, social security cards, marriage or divorce decrees, wills, and power of attorney. Identify bank accounts, titles, sources of income and obligations. Be sure to include auto, life, homeowner’s and medical insurance papers in the binder. Review these documents for accuracy and update them if necessary.
Confirm that the power of attorney documents include the now required HIPAA language. Store the binder in a secure place and keep an additional copy of this binder with you in case of emergency.
Create a team. Ask for help from people in your parent’s community, such as other relatives, neighbors, longtime family friends and members of religious, civic, and social organizations. Ask them to let you know immediately if they recognize a possible problem.
Planning will minimize poor decisions and unnecessary stress. These topics may be difficult or even painful to talk about, but they help ensure that your parent maintains their decision-making authority even when incapacitated. Addressing these issues before a crisis occurs allows a well thought out plan to be composed which will minimize family disagreements as well as protect the family resources. If possible, bring the family together for a meeting. Decide with your parent what their primary needs is, who can provide assistance and what community resources would help. Summarize your agreement in writing. Keep in mind that family difficulties are typical and that you may need to bring in a company such as Senior Options and Solutions, a family therapist or social worker to assist through this transition.
Keep in mind that the best laid plans may need to be altered. As your parent’s needs may change, and members of the team will come and go, you will need to be able to adjust and make changes accordingly.
The absolute most important thing to remember-
You are no good to anyone if you don’t take care of yourself.
Maintain good health, make time for yourself, set limits, and allow others to help!
Elaine founded Senior Options and Solutions, LLC after 22 years of working primarily with seniors during housing transitions. So often the stress associated with transitioning an aging loved one is overwhelming and can tear a family apart. Elaine believes in offering knowledge, options, guidance and comfort to minimize the stress and to ensure a smooth transition. Providing resources, assistance and services to our client during their lifestyle transition is our mission. We’ve always enjoyed working with seniors and believe in providing attentive and individualized care to create a present and a future that is comfortable, safe and secure for our aging population. Click here to visit her website.
Dear Friends and Family;
Things are rather somber just now in Menkhoaneng. We’ve had an event that has shocked and disturbed everyone. A week ago Sunday a so-far unidentified group of vandals set fire to our beautiful Cultural Village and it burnt to the ground.
The primary suspects are a group of boys from an initiation school high in the mountains behind the village. These initiation schools are controversial in so many ways. On the one hand, they preserve many aspects of ancient Basotho culture. The boys learn the traditional roles and responsibilities of men. The experience inspires a love of their culture and gives many of them a membership into an exclusive society that they cherish – perhaps a bit like what the masons of our culture must experience.
What goes on at these schools is very secret. We all know that the boys are circumcised on about the third day and learn things about herding animals, sex, warfare (i.e. fighting with sticks and spears) and lots of traditional songs and dances which only the initiated are ever allowed to perform. On the negative side this is often an opportunity for the rampant spread of AIDS. Sangomas often use the same razor on each boy. The sangoma who accompanied the boys from our village, a good friend of mine, took over 100 new blades – a gift from the American Friends of Menkhoaneng. I’ve heard that this is very tough training with powerful male bonding and testosterone levels can get very high. The two schools involved in the fire had been attacking each other far beyond what is acceptable in the simulated “warfare” that is a part of the training. Lots of threats were made about burning down each others villages. The police and most of the villagers here believe that our beautiful Cultural Village was the victim of this animosity.
I’ve just returned from almost a week in Maseru meeting with various ministers and stakeholders in the Cultural Village project. The amount of national high-level concern over this event is amazing seeing how much trouble I’ve had getting any of these stakeholders to put their money where their mouths are regarding coughing up funding for the Project.
Anyway, the king is upset, the parliament is hotly debating the whole initiation school issue, everyone with clout is sending their own investigators to the village and the question on whether we will proceed with building a Cultural Village at this site is very much up in the air.
The site is considered holy ground by many Basotho and there is a growing contingent that feel it should remain untouched. Even the archeological group that was here working on excavating some of the ruins has been sent packing.
I’ve been accompanying investigators around the village on their interviews.
I feel like a not too bright Jessica Fletcher.
Officials from the Peace Corps were here this morning just to satisfy themselves that I am in no danger. I’m sure I am not. They did advise me, however, to take off my Jessica Fletcher hat and step as far away from the investigation as possible. I agreed to do so. Actually, the investigation is pretty much over and during the primary interviews I traveled for a day with a very sharp female detective who said she will tell me everything on my next trip to Butha Buthe. I gave her a whole bag of detective novels featuring female detectives. I think we’re going to be friends.
Christmas is around the corner. It doesn’t feel much like the holiday season here – no TV flaunting the latest gift ideas, weather that feels like summer (it is summer here) and not a decoration in sight – but it will be a nice time of families getting together sharing whatever they have with friends and many church services. My daughter, Elizabeth, is arriving on Christmas Day with her husband Andrew. I am counting the days and have planned a rather whirlwind tour of Lesotho for them. They can only stay a week but I know it will be a memorable one for all of us.
I hope each of you has a wonderful Christmas filled with all the people you love and things you like to do. May your every Christmas dream come true.
Love,
Peggi
What if I told you it was possible to pick the brains of some of the top money earners in the country? Would you do it? Of course you would and so would I! This is just what my friend and best selling author, Barbara Stanny has done in her book, “Secrets of Six-Figure Women - Surprising Strategies to Up Your Earnings and Change Your Life” You may remember Barbara’s first best selling book, “Prince Charming Isn’t Coming - How Women Get Smart About Money”.
I read this book and said to myself, “I have to meet this woman”, and then as if by magic, I was invited to a teleclass she was leading the next day. I jumped on the call and remember taking copious notes. Barbara is wonderful…she speaks in sound bites, so it’s easy to remember her quotes.
To make a long story short, I called our home office after the call and was given her phone number. I hesitated…I have never done this before…but I picked up the phone and called her. Guess what-Barbara answered the phone herself. I couldn’t believe it! I was talking to this best selling author and it was easy!
What’s really amazing is that we really hit it off on the phone call and the next thing I knew, Barbara had invited me to stay in her guest house overlooking Puget Sound and the Olympic Mountains and I was going to do an interview with her and take her workshop! This was the Law of Attraction at its best!
After her workshop, I told Barbara that I had to do this workshop too. I was so tired of only being able to help those who had money to invest. I wanted to be able to help women make money and change their beliefs about money. Well, again, be careful what we ask for, because last year Barbara licensed her workshop, “Secrets of Successful High Earners - Going to the Next Level in Your Life”, and this month, I will be offering it myself to the women of Smart Women’s Coaching. This workshop is not about investing your money. It is about your relationship with money, because whatever is happening in with your money is happening in your life.
When I took the class with Barbara, I knew I was a six figure earner, but the quiz showed me the one area I was sabotaging my earning and my confidence. I was afraid to raise my fees. As soon as I returned from the workshop, I told my partner that we were doubling our planning fees. You know what happened? We received more business. Why? Maybe the lower fees made our work look less valuable? Maybe we didn’t want to be hired anyway since we weren’t even covering our costs? Anyway, that one action changed my life and my confidence.
Where are you sabotaging your life, your income and earning power? Be sure to sign up for my free one hour teleclass on Tuesday, October 16 at 8:30 pm EST to be introduced to the Secrets of Successful High Earners. I have attended Barbara’s 2 day live workshop three times and each time I have gone to the next level in my life. This is a powerful workshop and I invite you to join the call!
Click here for more information!
Dear Friends and Family:
The rainy season is upon us. The Village mood is happy with the expectation of a good growing season. So far it’s rained every day for the last five days. It’s been perfect rain, gentle and frequent. Matjeeka has been sorting out her seeds from last year’s crops to begin planting and her son, Tjeeka, has returned from his job in South Africa to help. There is excitement and optimism in the air. I’ve been using our watery abundance to wash everything I own. For the last few months my clothes have been washed in filthy, parasite-infested donga water. Now, when I put even the “clean” items into our fresh rainwater it immediately becomes dirty.
It is no wonder that summer storms are met with an almost reverential awe here in Lesotho. They pass through with such powerful grandeur. We don’t get “socked in” with the flat gray skies of my home State, Michigan. Instead, magnificent storms with dark billowy clouds rumble through sending flashes of lightening in their wake and dousing us with blessed rain. They leave us with air that is fresh and delicious and few hours of sunshine before the next great storm rolls through.
Actually, I’ve just returned from a weekend of R&R. I went to a lovely, quiet resort just over the border in South Africa with a delightful group of friends. Our group consisted of another PCV, Elizabeth Cohen, who is working in an AIDS clinic in Butha Buthe, Dr. Edith Semone a truly wonderful OBGYN from Switzerland who is working in a hospital far up in the mountains, her mother, currently visiting from Switzerland to help with the children and Edith’s two beautiful little children ages 3 and 5.
The resort we visited, Wyndford, has a spectacular mountain location with expansive views and many perfectly tended English-style perennial gardens. The property is quite large although the maximum capacity is 30 guests. The same family has owned Wyndford for 25 years. They are descended from some of the earliest English settlers in South Africa. We rented a large chalet and wallowed in the luxury of satellite TV (mostly tuned to the cartoon network for the little ones), endless games of Scrabble played in both English and French and delicious meals prepared by our very hospitable hosts and served with great style on linen clad tables complete with fresh flower bouquets and crystal. I was in heaven – I think we all were.
It was raining for much of the weekend but between gentle storms we went on long, beautiful hikes, the little ones keeping up with amazing Swiss agility and stamina. The area is home to some stone age San wall paintings as well as some historically interesting Boer dwellings tucked into sandstone caves that were used as hiding places during the Boer wars of 1899-1902.
The two little ones made me so hungry for my own beautiful grandchildren. To Edith’s delight I courted them outrageously and before our weekend was over they were snuggled in with me laughing at my accent as I read to them from their French story books.
I returned home Sunday feeling completely relaxed and refreshed and have been doing laundry and cooking big pots of food for my continual stream of visitors ever since.
So much is going on with our various projects. I’ve been working with some great folks from the Maluti Drakensberg Transfrontier Project (MDTP) and it looks as thought we may finally make some progress on the Cultural Village Project. World Bank finances MDTP and we are planning a two-day workshop next month to get all the stakeholders together and try to streamline and combine our efforts. My fingers are crossed.
We also have a new country director, Hill Denham. He and his family are from Evergreen Colorado, have extensive previous Peace Corps experience, and have already won the hearts of all of us volunteers. Hill actually visited my site for a whole day. Not only did he visit but because of some car and driver complications he came with me on public transport from the closest camp town, Butha Buthe. This meant he waited two hours in the hot sun with me for a koloi, squeezed into the small van with 18 other passengers to bump along the lousy roads then walked the last seven kms to the village. He visited all our village projects saying just the right things to the workers. He was a big hit and I am delighted that this empathetic, intelligent and completely supportive man is running the PCV program here.
So, at the moment, I haven’t a single complaint. It’s 4:30 am just now. I can hear the family preparing the oxen, cart etc. to go to the fields to plant. I want to join them for a while so must run. Life is good.
I hope this letter finds you content, healthy and enjoying all the good things this life has to offer.
With love from the quite damp but warm heart of Africa.
Peggi
Dear Family and Friends,
Can you stand another letter about our farm animals? I’ll try to keep it brief.
You may recall that one of our cows had a calf a month or so ago –I assisted with a flashlight – remember? Well, our other cow, I call her Bessie, was brought home from the fields last Tuesday because she was about to give birth. I don’t know how many of you have seen this but it’s pretty amazing.
The calf’s feet and head came out first then it’s body. Most of this happened while Bessie was calmly munching on a pile of grass but just before actually dropping the calf she walked around in a circle. She then licked the little one clean and the baby was on its feet within less than an hour looking under its mother for some milk. This all went just fine but the afterbirth didn’t come out. It didn’t come out Tuesday or Wednesday in spite of a rash of bazaar cultural potions being administered to poor Bessie. Matjeeka was really worried so on Thursday I traveled to the closest town that has a vet. We had a long talk. He told me that the problem could be solved with a pill. Well, not a pill exactly, a suppository. He gave me the soap cake sized suppository, a plastic glove that went from my hand to my armpit and very exact instruction on what to do. I said, “Please tell me you’re kidding.” He wasn’t.
Now wouldn’t you think one of these professional herd boys would offer to do the deed? Not on your life. They looked at me like I was crazy. No way were they going to stick their arm you-know-where. They did, however, put ropes around Bessie’s legs and bring her to the ground. She was not at all impressed with this latest remedy and struggled so much that it took me several tries to get my arm in deep enough. I’ll admit that this was mostly because I was so nervous and at first pulled out when she struggled. When I finally got my hand in to the right place to leave the pill she made a huge heave and I got knocked onto my back into a pile of very fresh dung.
The doctor said it could take some hours for the pill to work so we kept a vigil on Bessie throughout the night. By morning only some of the placenta had come out so we had to go to step two which was a repeat of the first procedure with the difference that this time I pulled the thing out.
You know, when I get home I want to live a very quiet life. I want my animal husbandry to not extend beyond taking Peepers for his morning walks.
But that’s not for another ten months. In the meantime, Lance is still lame but doing better. I’m giving him good medicine (phenylbutazone), massaging his legs twice a day with something called Deep Ice and keeping him quietly in the corral. We have nine new puppies and more chickens than I care to think about. I spend my evenings sipping tea and reading about poultry production, water harvesting methods and any trash novel I can get my hands on.
The countryside gets more beautiful each day as summer approaches. We’ve had two storms so soon the villagers will start plowing fields for planting.
I’m trying to get a big herb garden started by our newly formed youth committee but so far I’m doing all the work, which is a Peace Corps no-no.
We are supposed to be transferring skills here. When I focus on the sustainability of some of my projects I get depressed.
It is Saturday so, of course, I’m going to a funeral. It seems impossible that so many people are dying – it’s almost always AIDS. Traditionally, funerals are on Saturdays but lately there have been so many that they’ve been on other weekdays as well. In the past two weeks I’ve been to five. I no longer go for the complete service – it takes 4 – 5 hours. I either show up the night before the actual burial to pay my respects and leave a gift of money or I go to the home of the deceased the day of the funeral just before the village carries the casket to the burial grounds and walk with the mourners to and from the burial site. Funerals are very pragmatic here.
The villagers dig the grave, lower the body and then the men take turns filling it in as the women chant and pray. Afterwards there is always food all prepared by friends and family of the deceased. Frequently on the day after the funeral people will come to the bereaves house and help out in any way possible. Last Sunday I visited a woman who had just lost her only son.
I felt so badly for her. The number of deaths here does not in any way lessen the intensity of the pain. Losing a child causes the same agonizing grief here as it does in our culture. Many women were there. Some were gathering up all the clothes and blankets in the house and taking them to the river to wash. Some were mixing cow dung with sand and water to re-mud the floor of her house. They had taken everything outside. The mother was on a mattress outside under a blanket in heavy grief. I helped with the floor – there were many tears mixed with the mud that day.
I’ll try to think of something cheerier to write about next time. In the meantime be safe, be well and be grateful that you live in the good old USA.
Love,
Peggi
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