Free 7-Part Audio Course "Your Perfect-Life Focus" Discover the key to facing choices and creating your ideal life! Our pledge: your information will never be shared, sold or traded!    Privacy Policy

by Pat Samples, M.A.
Speaker, Educator, Author
Family Caregiving and Conscious Aging

Caregivers are artists at feeling guilty. Check it out for yourself. How many times a day do you sink into self-blaming thoughts such as, “I’m so terrible because I put my husband/wife/parent in a nursing home…because I just couldn’t stay up all night when he/she was sick…because I don’t know the right thing to do.” Sometimes I think guilt is the caregiver’s state religion!

For the most part, we’re not in control, and the good news is we don’t have to be. We can take ourselves off the hook. We do what makes sense in each moment, and that’s enough. (Really now, what more can we do?) In the end, we’re better off if we trust the outcome to a power greater than ourselves and kiss guilt goodbye.

Her newest book, which has been called “what our generation wants to read” by AARP’s magazine, is the Secret Wisdom of a Woman’s Body: Freeing Yourself To Live Passionately and Age Fearlessly. She helps people discover the gift that they are and the gift that life is — until their last breath.

By Jack Canfield
America’s #1 Success Coach
Co-creator, Chicken Soup for the Soul brands

The gift called “asking” has been around for a long, long time. One of life’s fundamental truths states, “Ask and you shall receive.” Kids are masters at using this gift, but we adults seem to have lost our ability to ask. We come up with all sorts of excuses and reasons to avoid any possibility of rejection.

Yet the world responds to those who ask! If you are not moving closer to what you want, you probably aren’t doing enough asking.

Here are seven asking strategies you can implement in your business (and in life) to boost your results and your bottom line:

Asking Strategy #1: Ask for Information

To win potential new clients, you first need to know what their current challenges are, what they want to accomplish and how they plan to do it. Only then can you proceed to demonstrate the advantages of your unique product or service.

Ask questions starting with the words who, why, what, where, when and how to obtain the information you need. Only when you truly understand and appreciate a prospect’s needs can you offer a solution. Once you know what’s important to them, stay on this topic and find solutions for them.

Asking Strategy #2: Ask for Business

Here’s an amazing statistic: after giving a complete presentation about the benefits of their product or service, more than 60 percent of the time salespeople never ask for the order! That’s a bad habit, and one that could ultimately put you out of business.

Always ask a closing question to secure the business. Don’t waffle or talk around it—or worse, wait for your prospect to ask you. No doubt you have heard of many good ways to ask the question, “Would you like to give it a try?” The point is, ask.

Asking Strategy #3: Ask for Written Endorsements

Well-written, results-oriented testimonials from highly respected people are powerful for future sales. They solidify the quality of your product or service and leverage you as a person who has integrity, is trustworthy and gets the job done on time.

When is the best time to ask? Right after you have provided excellent service, gone the extra mile to help out, or in any other way made your customer really happy.

Simply ask if your customer would be willing to give you a testimonial about the value of your product or service, plus any other helpful comments.

Asking Strategy #4: Ask for Top-Quality Referrals

Just about everyone in business knows the importance of referrals. It’s the easiest, least expensive way of ensuring your growth and success in the marketplace.

Your core clients will gladly give you referrals because you treat them so well. So why not ask all of them for referrals? It’s a habit that will dramatically increase your income. Like any other habit, the more you do it the easier it becomes.

Asking Strategy #5: Ask for More Business

Look for other products or services you can provide your customers. Devise a system that tells you when your clients will require more of your products. The simplest way is to ask your customers when you should contact them to reorder. It’s often easier to sell your existing clients more than to go looking for new ones.

Asking Strategy #6: Ask to Renegotiate

Regular business activities include negotiation. Many businesses get stuck because they lack skills in negotiation, yet this is simply another form of asking that can save a lot of time and money. Look at your vendors and suppliers and see if there are areas where you can be saving money. Just ask.

All sorts of contracts can be renegotiated in your personal life, too, such as changing your mortgage terms and rate, reviewing your cell phone plan and requesting a policy review with your insurance agent. As long as you negotiate ethically and in the spirit of win-win, you can enjoy a lot of flexibility. Nothing is ever cast in stone.

Asking Strategy #7: Ask for Feedback

This is a powerful way to fine-tune your business that is often overlooked. How do you really know if your product or service is meeting your customers’ needs? Ask them, “How are we doing? What can we do to improve our service to you? Please share what you like or don’t like about our products.” Set up regular customer surveys that ask good questions and tough questions.

HOW TO ASK

Some people don’t enjoy the fruits of asking because they don’t ask effectively. If you use vague language you will not be clearly understood. Here are five ways to ensure that your asking gets results.

Ask Clearly
Be precise. Think clearly about your request. Take time to prepare. Use a note pad to pick words that have the greatest impact. Words are powerful, so choose them carefully.

Ask with Confidence
People who ask confidently get more than those who are hesitant and uncertain. When you’ve figured out what you want to ask for, do it with certainty, boldness and confidence.

Ask Consistently
Some people fold after making one timid request. They quit too soon. Keep asking until you find the answers. In prospecting there are usually four or five “no’s” before you get a “yes.” Top producers understand this. When you find a way to ask that works, keep on asking it.

Ask Creatively
In this age of global competition, your asking may get lost in the crowd, unheard by the decision-makers you hope to reach. There is a way around this. If you want someone’s attention, don’t ask the ordinary way. Use your creativity to dream up a high-impact presentation.

Ask Sincerely
When you really need help, people will respond. Sincerity means dropping the image facade and showing a willingness to be vulnerable. Tell it the way it is, lumps and all. Don’t worry if your presentation isn’t perfect; ask from your heart. Keep it simple and people will open up to you.

© 2008 Jack Canfield

* * *

Jack Canfield is the founder and co-creator of the billion-dollar brand Chicken Soup for the Soul. The New York Times #1 best-selling book series has more than 100 titles in print and over 100 million copies sold in 41 languages. As an internationally recognized leader in personal development and peak performance strategies, Jack has spent the last 30 years teaching millions of people how to up-level everything they do. His bestselling book, The Success Principles: How to Get From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be contains dozens of the most powerful secrets to success used by top achievers from all walks of life.

By Ruth Klein
America’s De-Stress Diva
And Author of “De-Stress Diva in the Kitchen”

In today’s economy, more Americans are choosing to eat at home. But in this time-crunched society, how can you find the time to prepare healthy, everyday meals at home?

Here’s how:
1. Hire Chef Crockpot. Crockpots are inexpensive and easy ways to prepare healthy meals in the morning that will be ready by dinnertime. These slow cookers roast meats and vegetables for six to eight hours, producing tender, tasty meals with fewer calories and less mess than frying on a stovetop.

2. Hire Chef George. As in the George Foreman grill (or any variation of the indoor electric grill). These grills are built with drip pans to drain unwanted fats and oils into an easy-to-clean drip pan, and most foods take only five minutes or less to grill. You can combine meats and vegetables, or just grill vegetables.

3. Stock your cupboard the healthy way. If you don’t keep unhealthy foods at the ready, you won’t reach for them when you cook. Include healthy staples such as non-fat chicken or vegetable broth, plenty of seasonings. Choose fresh vegetables over canned or frozen. Choose sweet potatoes over plain potatoes for extra vitamins. Choose organic over non-organic to avoid long-term threats to your health from chemical additives. An organically grown chicken might cost twice as much, but will taste 10 times better and be 10 times healthier for you. Aren’t you worth it?

4. Integrate other tasks into meal preparation time. Integrate other activities in your kitchen to make cooking and cleaning up less stressful. Invite your children to discuss their day and homework challenges with you while you chop, cook and clean. Practice deep breathing and stretching exercises while you reach for ingredients, plates and silverware. Listen to soothing music or tapes that teach you a foreign language while you work. Integrating important and/or enjoyable activities can double the rewards of preparing and serving healthy meals.

5. De-stress your dinner (and breakfast) table. Ban negative conversations at the table. If an unpleasant topic arises, say, let’s talk about that after the meal. Ask everyone at your table to share a pleasant memory from the day, or from the past month, or past year. Smiling is as contagious as yawning, so smile while you are at the table. Make your table cheerful with a vase of fresh flowers or fruit. On gloomy days, use silly paper napkins.

6. Have fresh water at the table. Keep pitchers of iced water on the table to encourage your family or friends to drink plenty of refreshing water with their meals. It’s a healthy, zero-calorie substitute for sugary or caffeinated drinks. Dress up your pitcher of water with thin slices of lime or lemon (or a dash of crushed mint) to make iced water an attractive treat.

7. Plan ahead for the next healthy meal. Invite family members to contribute to the next everyday meal using ingredients on hand. Ask younger family members to band together to create a fun recipe. Make meals a joyous, joint endeavor by letting the kids or your friends take over your kitchen one day a week.

Branding & Productivity Coach, Ruth Klein, is the author of “The Everything Guide to Being a Sales Rep,” “Time Management Secrets for Working Women,” and “The De-Stress Diva © in the Kitchen” and publishes The “De-Stress Diva” ™ bi-monthly with 6,000+ subscribers. If you’re ready to de-stress your work, home, personal, financial and romantic life, get your FREE tips now at www.destressdiva.com for more information.

By Dr. Stacey Francis, Smart Women’s Café Contributing Expert

Our sights are on bathing suit season. We have gotten awfully comfy in our oversized sweatshirts and baggy pants over the last few months. Are you looking at all the weight loss books wondering which one holds the magic for you? I say stop looking. I’m going to introduce you to the No-Stress way to achieve your body goals.

Most importantly, be realistic with yourself. Are you going to the gym just so you can eat those late night potato chips or that pint of choco-lishis ice cream? Or are you eating barely anything because you tell yourself you can’t make it to the gym? I hate to inform you of something you already know, but these strategies are not going to get you into the cute shorts you have your eyes on. So cut out the self sabotage.

Start with eating. In fact, eat lots! Eat a lot of Fruit and vegetables. Eat lean proteins and eat (but don’t overeat) whole grains. Choose low glycemic index foods. These are foods that don’t increase your blood sugar quickly. They are the foods I just mentioned, they are not white bread, white pasta, white potatoes, corn, or sugar.

Eat often. Eating every 2 ½ to 3 hours will maintain your blood sugar. This will help you feel satisfied throughout the day and help you prevent diabetes and heart disease. Eat smaller meals since you are eating more frequently and if you are at a restaurant, ask them to bring you a take out container when they bring your meal. I know it tastes great and you want to eat it all in one sitting, but remember you get to eat that wonderful food again in just a few hours.

Eat a lean protein at every meal. That means you are eating a protein every 2 ½-3 hours. Muscle is made of protein and increasing muscle helps to increase your metabolic rate, the rate at which you burn calories. And we want to burn calories right? But we don’t want to lose muscle, we only want to lose extra fat.

“What about exercise?” you may ask. Well of course you need to exercise, you already knew that, but take the stress out. Find 20 minutes in the morning to do your thing. That can be chasing your kids in the snow, salsa dancing or sweating it out at the gym, but do it for 20 minutes every day. If you are lifting weights, also called strength training, that will help you build muscles and now you know that increasing muscle increases your metabolic rate which means you are burning more calories.

Guess what? It’s not easy. We want it to be easy, it’s not easy. But it doesn’t have to be work. Make it fun. Say it’s fun to yourself and everyone you come in contact with. Create eating to improve your body and your health to be the most fun and least stressful thing you do for yourself. Then enjoy those shorts.

By April Welch, CPO, Smart Women’s Café Contributing Expert

Have you put Get Organized on your list of things to accomplish this year?

You are not alone … getting organized is among the top 5 things listed on 90% of New Year’s Resolution Lists!

So, as the SWC Contributing Expert on Organizing I wanted to make sure you had the right tools for your New Beginning on getting organized in 2008.

When working with clients I always begin our project with a tour of the ‘space’. I use the word ‘space’ because for some of you it may be your closet, others may want to focus on their home office & some may need a little clutter reduction made in their minds. No matter where your ‘space’ resides you can apply some of the following tips to help you create a road map for your goals this year.

1.  Give yourself the guided tour:

a.  Without beating yourself up over the mounds of unfinished “things” you see, simply say out loud what you see. When you begin to hear a pattern emerge take action. (ex: A client had called me to help her with her closets, however once she had given me the tour of her space I noticed that she was explaining in great detail the piles of paper that lead to the closet. We redirected the session to paperwork)

2.  Once you know where you’re going to start & what your focus will be in that area you can begin the traditional sorting & purging.

a.  Sorting – for some clients this is a time just to decide what stays & what goes. Others decide what general category things will go in & start tossing accordingly. The key to this exercise is to handle the item with as little emotion as possible (try not to notice how cute Johnny was in the picture)

b.  Purging – decide how items will be distributed prior to a project. If you know that all your nice work clothes that have been too small for over 5 years will be going to the YWCA program for women entering the work force (as opposed to just a “get rid of” pile) you are much more likely to begin letting go of more.

3.  Avoid Burn Out

a.  Once you’ve reached your energy peak & you begin the downward descent - walk away from the project. No matter how much of a mess you’ve created. If you push yourself past your patience level you will surely get burned out & your New Year’s Resolution will have to wait another year to be accomplished. Take a break (30-60 minutes) do something rewarding like taking a walk or cuddling up with your favorite magazine & return refreshed. Stay disciplined though! Continue returning until you’ve seen the type of progress that meets your goals.

By Sherry G. Day, MS Smart Women’s Café Contributing Expert

Assess your personal traits and skills to see if you have what it takes to be successful as a business owner. Entrepreneurs need great “people skills” as well as industry knowledge and a willingness to take risks. Using the list below, consider your level of competence in 20 areas and rate them 1 – 5, with 5 being the highest. Then add the numbers to get your total. Compare your total to the key below.

Traits / Skills
1. Accepts responsibility
2. Adaptability
3. Coach / mentor others
4. Comfortable with risk-taking
5. Communicate clearly & concisely
6. Create motivating environment
7. Enthusiasm for challenge
8. Exhibit drive & energy
9. Flexibility
10. Good people skills / human relations
11. Initiative /self-starter
12. Make thoughtful & timely decisions
13. Maintain good health & life balance
14. Networking skills
15. Organizational skills
16. Open-mindedness
17. Persistence
18. Resourcefulness
19. Self-Confidence
20. Willingness to listen

TOTAL SCORE:

Key for Rating Points
Well below average 1
Below average 2
Average 3
Above average 4
Well above average 5

What does Your Score mean?

40 or less: Better stick to your day job! You are probably better off working for someone else.
41 – 65: This is “iffy”. You may be able to make it on your own.
66 – 85: You have entrepreneurial qualities. Do you have the willingness to tough it out?
86 –100: Follow your dream and become your own boss. You have what it takes – if you have answered honestly and have a good business plan!

By Marilyn Schwader, Smart Women’s Café Contributing Expert

A few years ago, I suggested to my sister, who is a very good artist, that if she raised her prices on her pieces that she would sell more, and with the higher price, make much more for the same amount of effort. Her first reaction was that she didn’t want to price herself “out of her market.”

A year went by, and every time I saw her, I’d suggest she raise her prices. Finally, after encouragement from many others, she relented and doubled her price. Almost immediately, she began to sell more.

Two years later, she now sells her work for triple what she once charged and has a list of commissions waiting for her to get to. She has not changed her marketing or increased her exposure. She simply made her artwork “reassuredly” expensive so that her market feels they are getting value for their money.

Pricing is an important component of the success phenomenon, although many business people have no idea how to approach this piece of the puzzle. It’s taking three things into account:

* your perception of your product’s value
* how much effort you want to expend
* the buyer’s perceived value

Let’s look at your perception first. On occasion, a business will price their goods too high, often because they have fallen in love with what they’re selling and believe everyone in the world will feel the same way. However, more often, the product or service is priced too low. One reason for this is due to a perception of scarcity: the person setting the price feels that they would not spend that much on the product and wonders if others would feel the same way. Whether the price is set too high or too low, both are matters of personal perception.

Now let’s look at effort. If you are putting the same amount of effort and money into the marketing and selling of your product, having a price that reflects its true value to the buyer will bring back a higher return on investment. This is a simple concept, but one that’s difficult to implement if your own perception of the product’s value is not in alignment with a higher price.

So how do you set your price? Here are five things to factor into your pricing:

1. Examine your beliefs about the value of your product; if you question how much you would spend, is this a product you want to spend your money and energy promoting?

2. If you feel good about the product, decide how much you want to make.

3. Decide how many hours you want to work.

4. Raise your fees to match what you want to make in the time you want to work.

5. Look at others in your market who are having success selling and marketing a similar product or service to determine if you are in alignment with your market.

Finally, there is the perceived value of the consumer. If the price is too low, the buyer might feel the product or service has limited value and will be hesitant to buy. On the other hand, when you have built trust with the buyer, when they feel they will be getting their money’s worth, price becomes less of a factor in their decision, and they will be willing to pay more because they know they will get value for their investment.

The bottom line is that you can increase YOUR bottom line significantly by pricing correctly, and you will move ever closer to the Success Phenomenon.

Dear Family and Friends,

I really think the drought is over. It’s been raining pretty steadily since November; the crops look great, the rivers are full and the cows look fat and healthy. I read somewhere that the drought cycles in this part of Africa often last around seven years and are followed by a like number of years of average to above-average rainfall. Hopefully we are now in the later cycle.

A lot has been happening around here. I’m feeling a huge sense of urgency to get all our village projects up, running and self-sustaining. We’re starting over again with the Cultural Village project. Just now the workers are leveling out the area, removing ash and saving as many stones as possible. In addition, we’ve started one last and large community agriculture project. It’s a five-year program beginning with a big (three hectares) community vegetable garden. We’re combining everything we know about nutrition for children and AIDS patients, permaculture and water harvesting into a project to grow food for our village orphans and housebound sick people while at the same time employing the maximum number of volunteers in a UN food for work program. The UN has already approved phase one of this four-phased project.

We’ve been able to add 20 more families to the monthly food distribution. These families will be
responsible for maintaining the garden. In phase two we can add 30 more families who will contribute workers to build a water retention dam in the village. Phase three of the program will involve cultivating another six hectares with all the grains we need to feed the chickens in our community chicken farm. This eliminates the cost of feed for the chickens and keeps all our volunteer workers on the UNWFP program. The final phase of the project is to build a community greenhouse. Each phase of this new project requires lots of training and coordination not to mention writing the grants to get the financial aid necessary to fund the project. The UN provides
food only – all funds for seeds, building materials etc. have to come from elsewhere – I’m flooding NGO’s with grant proposals.

I can’t tell you how pleased I am with the Menkhoaneng Community Development Association (MCDA). Our newly elected executive committee is taking real responsibility in following through on everything that needs to be done on our various projects. I find my job is to act as an advocate for these people with the various NGO’s and government ministries, create written
proposals and grants and act as an advisor at all the meetings. I leave for Maseru tomorrow to try to drum up some support for the dam project. We need an unbelievable amount of cement.

Also, I just returned from another very fun trip around South Africa with two good friends from the US, Karen Fitt and Joyce Virnich. We visited one of the finest game reserves in SA called Shamwari. We hadn’t pulled fifty yards into the reserve when a very large Cape cobra slithered across the road directly in front of our car. When the screaming subsided (just kidding) we forged onward. I’ll only speak of one of the many wonderful animal encounters we enjoyed at Shamwari. It involved elephants – lots of them. We toured the reserve in a completely open Land Rover with our handsome, knowledgeable guide. We were on a narrow dirt road driving through a big grove of prickly pear cactus when we spotted some elephants headed directly towards us. We stopped the car and just sat there as a whole herd of the huge pachyderms, all females and their many baby, toddler and adolescent offspring surrounded our car. They had come to picnic on prickly pear. The toddlers played “I can push you off the road” with their age mates butting heads and entwining trunks. One little fellow practiced his charging technique on our car flaring out his ears, raising his trunk and charging us while his mother looked benignly on. It felt like a real family picnic. Our guide said it was the finest elephant encounter he’d had in years. We stayed a long time taking photos and just enjoying being so up close and personal with these beautiful animals.

My friends flew home from Cape Town and I took a train back. The train, which ran on electric wires, broke down nine times. I had a sleeper compartment that I shared with an Indian woman and her beautiful three-year-old daughter so I was perfectly comfortable during the two full days it took to get back to this area. I got off the train in Bethlehem, a small town about three hours from Lesotho. There I rented a truck to get myself and a lot of stuff up to Menkhoaneng. I had a long list of supplies needed for our projects not to mention 50 kg bags food for Lance and the dogs. Although it had rained a few days previously, I was able to get the truck to the village. My plan was to return the truck to Bethlehem the next day and return to the village by public transport and on foot. The downpour began just an hour after I got to the village. It rained all night. I’d also made arrangements to take a bunch of our AIDS patients who are now on ARV’s to the hospital for their monthly supply of drugs on my way to Bethlehem. We all stood around the truck in the morning wondering what to do. Finally with a whole team of volunteers armed with shovels and a
serious “can do” attitude we headed down the mountain. It’s nine kilometers to the road and although we’ve been working on this access “road” for the whole two years I’ve been here it is a long way from being complete. Add to this the erosion and damage done by the recent storms and anyone in their right mind would say it was impassable. None of us was in our right minds.

It was a wonderful, muddy, wet, tiring and totally heart-warming experience. We had sangomas, herd boys, women and children literally building a road under the wheels of the truck. I went down to the hubcaps in muck several times. The workers shoveled paths behind and in front of
the wheels, filled the paths with stones and all pushed. I drove that truck like a maniac. When we finally got to a point where I knew the truck could make it on it’s own we had an ad hoc celebration singing songs, dancing and having the sangomas say prayers of gratitude. It took almost all day but everybody who needed to got to the hospital and I got the truck returned to
Bethlehem. Matjeeka went with me all the way so I wouldn’t be walking back up the mountain alone in the dark. It was not an easy day but it was one during which I felt completely surrounded by love. It was a perfect Peace Corps day.

I’ll sign off now. It’s Friday and the brother of one of our most dedicated volunteers died this week. Tomorrow is his funeral, which I’ll miss because of the Maseru trip so I’m going over to her house tonight to help prepare food for the funeral and take some small gifts – candles, matches, peanut butter, bread and tea. I really love this woman; her English is a bad as my Sesotho and we always try to tell each other jokes. When I don’t get what she’s saying she just yells it out louder – so do I. It’s become a regular thing with us – it’s pretty funny. But I’m sure there will be only tears tonight. Her brother was just 32 years old and beloved by all – a fine man with five sisters, a wife, mother and two children left to grieve for him. We got him on ARV’s but too late.

Wishing you all a very happy Valentines Day from the warm, if saddened, heart of Africa,
Love,
Peggi

by Ruth Klein, Smart Women’s Café Contributing Expert 

I recently saw a T-shirt with the words,  Become the Change You Want.  I find myself going back to those words over and over again. The words are taken from those spoken by the world’s role model for change, Mahatma Ghandi, who led the successful change to independence for India. He advised his followers to  become the change you want to see in the world.  Those words ring just as true today.

One of the most stressful situations we create for ourselves at home and at work is that we want changes from others and become frustrated when those changes don’t take place. We want our bosses, our children, our spouses and our friends to change. We want our looks to change, our health to change.

What if we become the ones to change first? Here are a few new ways to become our own agents of change to transform, empower and enlighten your path to a less stressful  lifestyle.

Become the Change You Want with Your Spouse: 

• Become Your Spouse’s Role Model. Instead of expecting your spouse to be more forgiving, become more forgiving yourself. Your actions will inspire your spouse. 
• Make the Word Flexibility Your Mantra. When things don’t go according to plan, tell yourself (repeatedly):  I will be more flexible.  It works!
• Change Your Own Mind. Instead of trying to change a spouse’s mind about where to go, what to do or how to get things done, ask the question of yourself first, but from your spouse’s point of view. You might discover you will have already changed your mind before you ask the question.

 Become the Change You Want with Your Child: 

• Change Your Age. Imagine yourself at your child’s age. Instead of always making demands from a parent’s point of view, first consult your inner child. Can you explain your demands in a new light? Can you incorporate new understanding and empathy in your relationship? 
• Listen. Don’t let your role as a caretaker overwhelm your time and ability to listen to your child. Make the decision to schedule time every day to just listen. 
• Confess. Take time off from the stress of trying to be a perfect parent, and confess to your child that you make mistakes. You will teach your child that it’s okay to admit to mistakes and learn from them.

Become the Change You Want at Work: 

• Organize. Poor organization skills will only add to workplace frustration and drain your productivity. Begin your next day at work by coming in 15 minutes early to organize your desk, throw out old files, make a  to do  list and add an extra touch of cheer — a new picture, a fresh flower, or just a happy note addressed to yourself. 
• Empathize. If you can’t get your boss to understand what you want, change your viewpoint. View your needs from your supervisor’s standpoint. If you are the boss, look at your demands from your employee’s viewpoint.
  Empathy can go a long way toward boosting productivity and eliminating workplace stress. 
• Take Action. If you want better working conditions or a change of schedules, ask. Prepare your arguments, rehearse and refine them, then ask. The worst that can happen is that you will be told no. If you really dislike your job, take action to schedule 30 minutes at home every evening to network with peers and start looking for that better job.

Become the Change You Want with a Parent:

• Become Your Own Best Child. Change your behavior with your parents by becoming the kind of child you want to have. Be loving. Be supportive. Be understanding. Your parent might take a cue from you and start acting like the parent they always wanted. 
• Become Patient. Parents know to be patient with their children, but they don’t always practice patience with their own parents. Take a deep breath, and patiently listen when your parent makes a request. It’s a little courtesy a parent just might return to you. 
• Strive for Sympathy. Instead of just saying no, or I can’t get to that today, take an extra minute to explain why your schedule won’t allow you to accommodate a request, and follow-up with a gentle expression of regret. Your parent is more likely to become sympathetic to your needs.

Become the Change You Want with Your Health: 

• Become Your New Best Friend. Don’t you want the best in life for your best friend? Encourage yourself to get the best things in life by starting with the most important, your good health. Encourage yourself every day! 
• Change Your Self-Image. If you are overweight, tell yourself, ‘I am not an overweight person,’ before starting a new diet or exercise plan. I want you to think, “I want to be healthy.” 
• Play. Exercise doesn’t have to be a chore. Instead of getting up to do jumping jacks every morning in your living room, dance and leap for joy from room to room. Buy a colorful jump rope. Laugh at yourself. Enjoy yourself. Play! Exercise, honestly, can be a fun way to get healthy.

by Sherry G. Day, MS, Smart Women’s Café Contributing Expert

As the holiday season approaches, there are numerous decisions made relevant to the relationships in our lives. It is interesting to analyze our decisions regarding whom to invite to holiday celebrations, whether or not to give gifts and if so, how much to spend on a particular person, and to whom should greeting cards be sent.

One of the most puzzling situations in which I find myself has to do with
sending holiday cards to people I have not seen or even spoken to for years.

High school and college friends are mere fragments of memory now.  From year
to year, I find myself questioning why we bother to maintain these long-term, but distant  relationships.   After all, I probably would not recognize these once close friends if they were standing at my door.  I have not seen most of them since we left school.

Yet, I feel as if we are still connected because throughout the years we
have exchanged family and career updates at holiday time.  I  know of  their
children and their doings from annual updates and photos, via holiday cards.

I will probably never meet these children, though.  But I have felt their
parents’  love and pride.

Our letters and notes express an invitation to stop and visit when we are in one another’s neighborhood or are passing by on the nearest highway. And we merely pass by without bothering to call ahead, commenting as we pass,  My old school chum lives near here somewhere!  I should stop and visit sometime.  Many of us are scattered across the country and around the world.

We express a desire to  get together sometime,  knowing it will probably never happen.  Knowing we probably won’t make the effort to make it happen! Knowing we are always rushing to get to our destination without this detour to stop.

Still, year after year, we go through this ritual!  Why?  Why can t I just stop sending the cards, notes and photos?  Why am I disappointed when all I get back is a card without a note?  Why am I even more disappointed when the only  signature  is preprinted names?   Personalized cards, they call them!

I call them  impersonal!   The sender doesn t even have to spend the time or energy to hand sign the card.  There was a time when I would not even suggest printed computer labels, but as my list grows I do feel a slight change of attitude coming on.

I do believe in technology and efficient use of time, but I also believe in the personal touch.  To me, sending a card with a personal note is a gift of taking time to think about the receiver and show interest in him or her.  When I open an impersonal, preprinted and possibly computer labeled card, I ask myself,  Does the sender desire to sever this long-term relationship but does not want to be the first one to stop?   I sense there may be a lack of desire to stay connected even once a year.

It is a dilemma!  I do not want to be the one to end the relationship
either. By why not?  What is the value of maintaining it?  What is the benefit?
What is the WIIFM –  what s in it for me?  Maybe it meets a need for me.  A need to share with those who knew me  way back then.   To let them know I am doing  okay.   I have survived the ups and downs of the years and am still taking on the challenges presented to me each day.  Perhaps it allows me to share with pride my family.  After all,  way back then  this family was a mere dream we all shared in our youthful innocence.

Maybe we hang on so as not to let go of our youth!  Could it be that letting of long-term, though distant, relationships is a closing of the door to the past?  We may need to keep such relationships to remind us of beginnings to allow us to measure our progress.  After all, we set the criteria for judging these accomplishments.

This is an issue I ponder every November as I print out the holiday card list. Every year there are a few new relationships to add to the list.  Adding is much easier than deleting.  But then, I think, the list is getting too long.  Someone has to go!  But whom?  And why?  And why not?  It is time to count the names again.  And buy the cards and stamps.  I wonder how many I will need this year?

______________________________________________________________

About the author: Sherry G. Day is the President and Chief Learning Officer
of Executive Resources-Human Potential Consultants, L.C., an award-winning
coaching and training company focused on leadership and personal
empowerment. Sherry is a member of Smart Women’s Coaching Advisory Board and is a
Contributing Expert and Coach.

C  2007.  Sherry G. Day, MS. This article may be reproduced for non-
commercial use, provided it is reproduced in its entirety, you retain the
author’s byline, and include a link to http://www.ExecutiveResourcesHPC.com