I Received that Call in the Night!
I have been gone for a while and my life has changed drastically. A few months ago, I wrote an article called, “Are you ready for that call in the night?” Well, a month ago I received that call! It’s an amazing experience …actually living what I have been teaching and preparing clients for over 18 years. It was late when my mother called to tell me that my 86 year old step-father had fallen and cracked his head open at the health spa…he was at the hospital.
When this happened, for a moment my whole life stood still. “What do I do next?” I asked myself. I had just given my workshop, “Smart Choices for Caregivers.” I am supposed to be the expert, right? Well, to make a long story short–during the last three weeks, my life has been focused entirely on my parents. All I can say is I am so thankful that we had a plan, that we were prepared for the worst and that I have been working not only with my parents, but with my step-father’s son so that the end result could be “peace of mind for all.”
Please listen to this story because it may happen to you and if you are not prepared or not informed about your rights and your choices, it could cost you and your loved ones dearly.
Prior to this fall, my step-father was a 5’10” strong, lively and spry 86 year old man. The accident was a blessing because while he was in the hospital, he had some serious digestive problems, they took x-rays, found a blockage in the colon, did surgery (he had colon cancer 40 years ago and there was scar tissue) and also found spots on his lungs. The biopsy came out positive, but because of the fall, we caught it very early.
Immediately after this fall, my mother decided it was time to look at an alternative living situation. When she got married to Dale, she was 58 and he was 74…now she was 72 and he was 86. All of a sudden, the idea of losing him hit home. All she wanted was to have a safe place where they could enjoy their lives together. I had been so worried about the stairs, my mother’s frequent black outs, the deck with no hand railing, the detached garage; all the yard work and Dale still had to drive everywhere. I was eager to help and within the week, I had them moved into Independence Village of White Lake, just 10 minutes from my home.
After three weeks in the hospital, I received a call from my step-father that he was being released the next morning. “What? You cannot stand, let alone walk and you cannot take a shower or even get to the bathroom. How can they be letting you go home?” I asked him. “I don’t know, but two doctors asked me if I wanted to go home tomorrow and I said yes. I am eating solid food.” he replied.
Immediately I got on the phone with the head nurse and asked her if this was true. He hadn’t eaten in three weeks, he was weak and could not stand or walk, and because of the surgery, his bowels weren’t even working properly yet. No one knew what was going on…I had to call back in the morning.
My heart was pounding. I knew I had to do something quickly. I cancelled my trip up to Canadian Lakes…a three hour trip to meet with some retirees who had just attended my last workshop. I called his son Jim and he decided that he would be at the hospital at 10 a.m. to talk with his father and the physician personally. Jim lived two hours away and started off early the next morning.
I called my friend, Sandford Mall, a Certified Elder Law Attorney and received advice from him. Apparently, it is not uncommon for the elderly to be released from the hospital to their home, only to end up in a nursing home because they weren’t prepared. It was my responsibility to advocate for my father and get him the rehabilitation that he needed. He was entitled to certain services from Medicare, but often you need to be proactive and know what you are entitled to.
In the morning, I called the Continuing Care department and asked why he was being released without any conference with the family. Apparently, because Dale wanted to go home, they were going to let him go. The problem with this situation is that my step father thought that Independence Village would be able to provide the additional care he needed. This was not the situation …this was an independent living facility and Dale needed to be in a rehabilitation facility to return to his prior condition. Without proper therapy, he may not have been able to handle the chemotherapy. We wanted him to be able to return to the quality of life he had prior to his accident!
The end result…Jim had to convince the physician to recommend that Dale transfer to a rehab facility. During this time I was calling rehab centers and finding if there were any open beds. I called the Danto Center at the Jewish Community Center and they could accept him on Friday (the next day!). Before someone can go into rehab, they need to be accepted by Medicare, so I had a conversation with the admissions person myself, explained his condition and asked if I could have the appropriate paperwork faxed over.
Once Dale’s physician suggested that physical therapy at a rehab facility could help Dale return to his former quality of life, Dale agreed that it was a good idea.
Things have worked out wonderfully and that night we enjoyed a kosher dinner with Dale, my mother, his son and daughter in-law at the Jewish Community Center’s Danto Rehab Center. A few weeks later, I drove my step-father to his new apartment at the Independence Village. He loved it! He is currently receiving additional rehabilitation in his apartment. I know they will make it through the chemotherapy and have many wonderful active years together. I don’t even want to think about what would have happened had he been sent directly home. It’s amazing what you can do when you have the resources, knowledge, advice and determination.
My message here is that parents and children need to plan for aging; have the appropriate documents in place and keep them updated. Consider having a conversation with your loved ones about what you want to happen should something like this occur, have a back up plan, and have excellent advisors that can help you through the process. I teach a workshop on this topic, but I still don’t know everything—I depend on my team, the resources I have access to. If you are in a similar situation, there are people who can advocate for you. Don’t feel that you need to do this on your own or just accept what you are told. Get informed now, create your plan and assemble your team…the team that will be there when the time comes.
If you or someone you know are facing these issues or if you just simply want to be prepared, please give me a call or email me so I can tell you how to get started. Also, let me know if you would be interested in attending my next “Smart Choices for Caregivers” workshop and receiving your free workbook and list of resources. I can be contacted by emailing info@smartwomenscoaching.com or call me at 248-366-0137.
